You know how there is this thing called “privacy”? Basically, if you are sneaking around trying to get information from your significant other off of his emails, cell phone, or other social device without his permission, you have a couple of problems. You obviously don’t trust this dude (don’t worry, trust is usually reciprocal, so he doesn’t trust you either), and you are looking for problems. There is no reason to do this, Cunt….if you don’t trust him, dump his ass. And the Trick: Getting mad at him for it. You are in the wrong! You are nosy, and snooping without his permission. You wouldn’t have found this incriminating piece of information, if you hadn’t been sneaking around on his computer where he is stupid enough to have all his passwords saved. Yet, you found it. You have achieved the moral high ground, and you are going to hold this against him forever. If you really want to make this a Super CT, you need to reduce him to a being your bitch. Now, he has to make his password, “ilovemycunt”, and you get to check his outgoing calls and text messages whenever you want. Takes the fun out of sneaking around, but now you never have to wonder.

Now playing: No Doubt – Detective
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Remember the Cunt who only has male friends?  Here’s where she comes to burn you, ladies.  Stephanie and Andrew have a great relationship.  Yet…nothing is perfect, and Stephanie and Andrew have a fight.  Andrew turns to his friend Julia, for a female perspective on the whole thing.  And Julia is great!  She watches football with him, hangs out and plays video games with him….in fact, if it weren’t for Stephanie, Andrew just might have a thing for Julia.  So Andrew pours his heart out to Jules, and she supportively listens.  On the surface, everything that Julia says is innocent.  “Maybe Stephanie just isn’t into you, but doesn’t have the heart to end it”, she says, batting her eyes.  Oh Andrew, how can you resist?  Rejected from the woman you love, your only choice is to turn to those deceptively welcome arms.  In the end, no one could read Stephanie’s mind but Stephanie, and Julia served to drive a wedge, if not the nail in the coffin.
Now playing: Rilo Kiley – Portions of Foxes
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In the beginning stages of a relationship, the power dynamic is ever fluctuating. This is always a good time to bring the jealousy card into play. Now, some people like to claim that they aren’t jealous individuals. If they are human, this is simply not true. Evolutionarily, we are competitive beings, and our biological drive is to “win” a monogamous claim on another individual. This is where jealousy comes into play. Some people don’t act on this jealousy, but that’s a different story. Using jealousy to dictate the terms of the power dynamic is a cunt’s specialty. An easy way to do this is to flaunt your options in front of each other. Invite Option #1 out for drinks, and conveniently have Option #2 meet you at the same locale for dinner. Options meet in passing, and size each other up. Your worth and value are instantly increased in both of their eyes, and you are now a more valuable commodity, holding more power. Wield it wisely though…no one likes a whore.

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Now playing: John Lennon – Jealous Guy
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In certain industries, peer mentoring is the only path to success. In these industries, men mentor women with no problem (alright, the occasional sexual proposition, but can that truly be avoided?). Men mentor men with no problem. Women mentor men, with no problem. Yet, when a woman mentors another woman, she does everything in her overt and covert power to sabotage the success of this woman. This “queen bee syndrome” ensures temporary higher status. Take a step back though, Corporate Cunt. Women are still oppressed all over the world, and you are participating in the oppression within your own industry. Take a stand for what is right, and be ok with another woman’s success.
Now playing: The Bees – Stand
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Lovely Ladycunt has a premonition that something is not quite right in Relationship Land. Prince Charming has been distant, and all is not well. P.C. calls up L.L., says he wants to “talk”. L.L. takes this cue, and chooses to bomb Relationship Land into non-existence. She says awful things, she takes no prisoners, and she severs all ties. Why would L.L. react so strongly to this “talk”? She knows, as we all know, that it is always better to be the breaker, than the breakee. If she strikes first, she holds the power. The laws of Relationship Land are hers to make, and she is the dictator. She might not mean to burn her home into a barren wasteland, but a pre-emptive strike can never be too strong, when in the hands of Lovely Ladycunt.

Now playing: Menomena – Air Aid
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Sometimes, relationships have an inevitable end that cannot be blamed on one or the other individual. Maybe she is moving, or maybe he is off to serve that prison term. Regardless, to keep hope alive, he thinks that while the relationship is still on, and still good, they can have the “friends” talk. “Let’s stay friends while I’m incarcerated”, he will say. In his mind, this holds out hope for their eventual reunification. Yet, she’s a C, so all she hears is “I’m dumping you now”. She WILL win this power struggle. She does a premature dumping, and, as icing on the cake, says “I can never be your friend”. Talk about backfires!
Now playing: Amy Winehouse – Just Friends
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To set the scene: Upon the beginning of a relationship, a girl informs her man that “all her friends are guys”. She simply can’t get along with girls…she doesn’t know why. This is ideal to new guy. Girl likes guy things, like football and videogames, hooray! Let’s dig deeper though, shall we? First off, this girl really doesn’t like “guy things”. She likes the attention and validation that comes from being the only girl in a sports bar. These aren’t “friendships” though. These are guys that want to fuck said girl, and said girl eats it up. Fights will still arise out of boyfriend choosing to watch a football game over a romantic comedy. Additionally, when boy and girl are fighting, girl can run to any of her male friends, and instantly have a bevy of male attention showered upon her. But boy can’t get mad! He was warned! She “only” has guy friends!! Even deeper now: This cunt has no emotional depth. She cannot get along with girls because she is competitive, catty, and jealous. Girls don’t want to fuck her, so she has no use for girls. No wonder its rare to meet a girl who still has female friends, those girls actually have to do some self-evaluation and exhibit a little decency when it comes to interacting with their own gender. Way too much work for a cunt who would prefer to be drooled over by her over-sexed gaggle of guy ‘friends’.

*Editors Note: Thanks to Erik and Joe for the contribution!!

Now playing: Everclear – Everything To Everyone
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